The Fun Begins!

Yeah for Mars/Venus!
New jobs are always exciting. New people ... does he get new clothes? If anyone needs a personal shopper, you know I'm your girl. Stick you in a dressing room and you won't have to do a thing!

Of course, it's important to look good on the job but it is far more important to have fun and enjoy what your doing. And, if that's too difficult - do like most women - fake it 'til you make it.

Finally, today the things you must do to make me happy are:

1. Speak your mind
2. Lower your voice
3. Don't use that tone
4. Like it because I do
5. Stand for something

Not-so-casual Friday

My favorite judge always seems to hold hearings on Fridays. Is it because he knows most law firms nowadays have instituted casual Fridays? Oh well, when I have Hearing Fridays, I personally institute casual Thursdays.

Monkey boy is gone today - passed another bar and is being sworn in - no telling what he's wearing.

Today, you can make me happy if you:

1. Empathize
2. Sympathize
3. Stop humming
4. Learn the words
5. Wipe that look off your face

Things You Must Do To Make Me Happy TODAY

1. Drop your drawers
2. Pull up your pants
3. Get smart
4. Accept the double standard
5. Cure cancer

Mondays are Monkey Days

because that is the day he looks his best ... but as the week wears on ... so does any little itty bitty style he may have. And, honestly, he's beginning to wear on my nerves.

Our trained monkey doesn't know this, but I have the backing of the entire firm - the managing partner is very pleased with what little results we have seen and is encouraging me to continue.

But tm is pushing back and getting personal. He's "getting tired" of me checking on him and his footwear, accessories, etc. This from a guy who was discussing at lunch how he would love to have a http://www.flowbee.com/.

My patience is wearing thin.

Things You Must Do To Make Me Happy

1. Be Real
2. Be Somebody Else
3. Be yourself, but better
4. Be like me
5. Be on time

Yum ... Artichoke Hearts

Okay, you know the old saying ... the way to a girl's heart is through her favorite vegetable - quartered, marinated and on a pizza.

Chicago style.

Is my mind in the gutter or does "fill-in-the-blank style" always sound slightly sexual?

Damn the uncontested divorce or my life isn't all class action lawsuits and flirting with general contractor clients

So, I thought I was going to see my Mars/Venus friend today. Get a little witty criticism from a like-minded, honest, well dressed - not to mention - devastatingly good looking fan ... um, I mean man. Talk to him about last weekend's party and how hubby doesn't seem to appreciate my honesty (he might want to make sure the phone has disconnected before cursing me).

But no, instead I get to go to court today for the greater good. Truly. Girl needs to divorce old boy that she has stuck with for the longest. Through drug addiction and physical abuse. She needs me and I'm happy to do it.

Maybe tomorrow.

I know he misses me ; p

Watch for an update on whiny girl/I'm a monkey but I won't let anyone groom me

... but right now I have to pretend like I'm smart and powerful and write a brief to convince a judge to throw out a class action lawsuit. All while wearing heels, lip gloss and a push up bra.

Cake, baby ... it's cake.

My 3 guesses ... but which one is correct?

1) Hell to the No!

2) It depends, what are you wearing?

3) Isn't that a Tribe Called Quest lyric?

Can I get some?

3 guesses

Yeah, he might be trainable ... but so are monkeys, right?

Well, I don't know ... a friend suggested cigarette burns ...

The brutal honesty continues and it seems to have had an effect. Mr. whiny girl or wg was dressed appropriately today. And, when I say he was dressed appropriately ... that means normal for the rest of us and damn near everyone else was asking whether or not he had court today.

Of course, I published the daily newsletter with his picture and my witty (or not so) criticisms and compliments. He wouldn't stand for the picture so he's hunched over in his chair. Eventually, he will stand up when I come into his office and smile ... then I'll take his picture. Right now, he's still wg.

There was a party last Friday for a new attorney. Honesty Day 1 was Wednesday and Newsletter Day 1 was Friday. WG's response to the newsletter? Threatened to show up in jean cut offs and a wife beater. Wish he would have ... he was there - in the same clothes he had been wearing all day, sitting at his desk and then sitting in his car for the hour drive to the party. Can anyone say, Downy Wrinkle Releaser? I know, I know ... too critical? Maybe so.

But, back to what may or may not be my point, or my question ... wifey did not attend the soiree. WG wasn't talking to me ("because she's being mean to me") so I never heard directly but I was told she was home babysitting. [How someone babysits their own child - I don't know, but that's for another posting] What's the deal? Big firm shindig ... plenty of notice, plenty of family around, how do you not attend? I'm just saying.

And, as I'm just saying or just blathering on because I'm so tired ... WG is the one that is told by his wifey, often (he says), that she's never known anyone as unemotional, or is it uncaring, as him because no reaction when someone (she?) cries. That sure is a lot of not caring and a lot of no emotion for someone who seems to take shit so personal. I'm just saying.

Okay, I've got to get something else to write about ... unless he shows up wearing those 2-tone shoes tomorrow.

La Verdad

I'm on a mission to be honest. Can a girl be honest or do we all have to be backstabbers?

Now, this honesty can be somewhat brutal but it is not mean. It comes from a caring place and is generally meant to be helpful. And indeed, if you are a recipient of my honesty, I must have some emotion for you. I would like to think that if what I have to say may be difficult for someone to hear, at least I can say it in a way that is witty or funny - at least, I try.

Curiously, the one person who has recently resisted my honesty - that was very witty and very helpful (my honesty, not this person) - this person who is in dire need of this honesty - this MAN ... is acting like a whiny little girl. [What do you say to that Mr. "one of my three favorite things to discuss is Mars and Venus"?] Of course, it was a discussion with Mr. Mars/Venus that started me on this ... I'll stop talking about Mr. whiny girl behind his back and help him out. Discussion of Mr. Mars/Venus later ... which is Mars and which is Venus by the way?

Redemption? Validation? BBM or Big Boss Man likes what I'm doing with Mr. whiny girl and is encouraging me to continue.