Rock Me? Sock Me?

George Foreman and Oscar de la Hoya both turn into pathetic, lovesick groupies when they are around you. They send flowers, write poetry and sing to you. They are desperate to cook you a little breakfast … starting with dinner.

Who do you say yes to?

C'mon, make a decision. Don't ask him for advice - he'd probably give Tyson your number.

It's not what you think ...

I hope I never have to say that ...

Anyways, back to my previous post.

It isn't where one may presume sugar free's true skills lie.

No, it's not the dazzling smile, 4-inch heels, witty repartee, or the way I like to purr at somewhat inappropriate times. It's that opposing counsel invariably ends up thinking that I'm on their side. Of course, there are other things at play - I compliment a cut of a suit, notice a new hair cut and a push up bra never hurts. But, I truly believe that the most damning information I've received is from plaintiff's counsel who believe that I'm a really good person who just happen to work for really evil people. I'm just here doing a job for my client.

And it helps that I'm nice. I'm pleasant. Generally, plaintiff's attorneys are overworked, stressed out and treated poorly by other attorneys. I treat them well. I behave (save a few) as if I enjoy spending this time with them. Because, surely in all of their wisdom and experience - I will learn something from them. Not really - I may learn that they have an extremely distracting shoe fetish and that I should be the attorney dealing with them - no matter the case.

Are we deposing a fact witness? I've been known to go off the record to make a joke. Let's make our time together enjoyable. That's what I do. And, they let their guard down and share.

Do you have other theories? Let's share.

You may work, but I work it

Yet, my powers are not being used like they should. Instead, I am slogging away, drafting Property Settlement Agreements and preparing for child custody hearings. Of course, these must be done but it is not where I shine. This is not where my powers for evil/good/ambivalence are best exploited/utilized/profited from.

My skills are dealing with witnesses - getting them to tell me their secrets, revealing what they don't want to reveal without even realizing it.

Well, let's be honest, shall we? My true skill has been in obtaining these revelations from opposing counsel. Whether he's revealing his theory of the case and that it was developed by a paralegal's use of google or that his expert came up with some numbers, but he's coached him to "hedge" in the upcoming deposition ... opposing counsel enjoys confiding in me.

Why?

I have my theories ... more on that later.

Can I work this weekend?

How absolutely gorgeous is this dress?
I *heart* this dress.

And, how funny is it that Amazon sent me an e-mail asking me if I want to pre-order Pitch Like a Girl: Get Respect, Get Noticed, Get What You Want?

No thanks, I'd rather go gambling.

Thanks Geri!

I'm always on the look out for a new, interesting bar name. Of course, I don't limit its use to a bar. It can be used anywhere.

And, I believe Geri Halliwell, formerly known as Ginger Spice has helped me out.

Bluebell Halliwell ... say it outloud.
It's beautiful.

Thanks Geri.

New Rule

You may use a bluetooth headset for your cellphone only in places where you would feel comfortable singing out loud.

Would you feel comfortable singing out loud in your car? Sure, use it.

Would you feel comfortable singing out loud waiting for your order at the local cafe? No, don't use it.

Would you feel comfortable singing out loud while grocery shopping? No, don't use it.

Would you feel comfortable singing out loud while cooking dinner in your own kitchen? Sure, use it.

But, Sugar Free, you say, I feel comfortable singing out loud everywhere - while waiting for my order, grocery shopping, waiting in line at 7-11, or even pumping gas.

Get over yourself! Quit the singing and the bluetoothing. You are making us uncomfortable. Now, stop it!

It can't be a bad day

I look too damn cute today.

Gettin' over it

I had today's post all worked out ... it was going to be a mini-therapy session. Well, not really. It would just go into the theories that various people have of why I'm unhappy.

But, I came up with a better game! Wanna play? (unless you have a suggestion for something better, you're playing)

In honor of the current astrological sign, Gemini:

Who would you rather do?

Drew Carey or Danny Aiello?

Gena Rowlands or Pam Grier?

Al Franken or Martin Landau?

Dixie Carter or Anne Heche?

I know, not much of a choice, huh? Puhleeze, they are Geminis.

I'll give you something better soon.

I'll buy an "E," Pat but I'll pay extra if Vanna will change those shoes

This morning at the gym, a gentleman took off his headphones and told me he just heard that today is the birthday of Arabella Mansfield.

"Do you know who that is?"

Me: "Hmmm ... Mansfield, sounds familiar" Dude, help me out here ... you are just some random guy who came up to me between sets talking about something I'm sure you just heard on NPR, which I may or may not care about ... it's too f*ckin early for a round of Jeopardy, plus I'm more of a Wheel of Fortune kind of girl.

"The very first female lawyer!" he says with a sparkle in his eye.

Me: "Oh, yeah." Oh, yeah nothing. I had no idea - maybe I should. And, big ups to him for not calling her a 'lady lawyer.'

And, big ups to Arabella, especially for taking those 2 years off and taking care of her husband during his nervous breakdown before placing him in an asylum. We should all be that devoted. Of course, I hope it doesn't take me 2 years.

Things You Must Do To Make Me Happy

1. Convert
2. Vote early
3. Vote often
4. Dream a little dream
5. Matter

I know, a little too deep, much too serious, right?
What I really need to be happy today ...

1. Get me a drink
2. Adopt a cuban accent
3. Admire my ass
4. Consider me your muse
5. Make 2 plus 2 equal 5

Next week is what?

So, here's the debate? Do I a) ignore the upcoming birthday of the man who didn't even acknowledge mother's day, or do I b) go over the top?

It's never just A and B, or black and white.

I'm going with C.

I think I'll get him the following gifts ...

because I drink too much

because I'm self centered

because I embarrass him

because I'm self centered

because I spend too much time working or

because I really am self centered and only think of myself

... hmmm, what's a girl to do?

Want to go for a drive?

How far could I get with you? or without you?

Help me help you ...

Dialing "O" on the pink telephone

seriously? what rock have I been living under that I have never heard of this before? There are a million euphemisms for the menfolk but, finally, at my ripe age I come across this?

Love it! And, try to use it daily (usually limited to conversation ... but, whatever)

So, I went on a search ... are there more? I haven't found any - although, I found an interesting term I've never heard used before ...

shaking hands with the unemployed

how can you not love that?

Help me help you, please, educate me.

Which flavor would you like?

Brilliant! A necklace custom-made and I can decide on which scent the filling will be ...

• Toast a Marshmallow?
• It's going to be a "White Wedding" Cake?

or ... so far, sounds like my fave ...

• Peppermint got slapped on her Patty

Yummy! http://www.pancakemeow.com/category.php?category_id=45

Golden Rule? Platinum Rule?

Do unto others as you would have them do unto you ... or do unto others as they want you to do unto them.

Just for today, I think I rule and I'll do whatever the hell I want.